Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
