we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize