My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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