Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
