i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
