I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
