turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
