Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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