it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
