it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
