You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
