1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
