My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
