I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
