im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
