I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
