I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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