so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
