my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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