How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
