1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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