I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I believe in your delicious
I licked your asshole in confidence.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
