am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
