My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
