she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
