It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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