tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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