After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
