And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
