PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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