I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
