There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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