im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
