So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
