Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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