You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
