If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
