this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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