you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
