Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
