HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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