I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize