Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
