I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
