apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we're making bets on your personal life
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
