Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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