She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
