so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize