Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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