Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
