the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
