i think my tv is drunk
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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