I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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