Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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