my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
