I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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