The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
