I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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