wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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