He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
