just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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