I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
