So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I believe in your delicious
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
