My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
