im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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