So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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