i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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