i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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