update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
