For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
